Caring for Mom Long Distance

by Vicki Paul

As the Executive Director of Aunt Ann’s Home Care, I am responsible (among other things) for managing the care and supervising the caregivers of all Aunt Ann’s clients. Having been in home care since 1982, I can carry out my duties with one hand tied behind my back. I love what I do and take pride in my work. Piece of cake!!

My 81 year old Mother has Alzheimer’s disease. She lives in my home town, Wilson, North Carolina. I also help manage her care long distance. You would think this would come as easy to me as my job does. NOT!!! This is the hardest job I have ever undertaken. I have it easy: my two younger brothers and my sister-in-law must deal with Mom’s issues on a daily basis. Living so far away, I do my best to support them and guide them in the everyday issues that arise.

Generally speaking Mom does well. She lives in her home with caregivers who live-in. She goes to family functions, out to dinner and church on Sunday. She is never alone. In many ways we are fortunate. She does not wander, has fair bowel and bladder control, usually gets along with everyone, and still remembers family members. Of course there are times... like the day she went flying out the back door to meet my brothers on the driveway to tell them "Did you know that your Dad sold the house to 'that woman' for one dollar?!!" My Dad died two years ago and "that woman" is the caregiver. Mom's disease prevents her from understanding reasoning. My brothers had to go along with her and attempt to redirect her. They were there to take her out to dinner, so changing the subject and taking her away from the house was successful in defusing the situation. I was left to support my brothers in the fact that their actions were appropriate despite their difficulty in agreeing that Daddy sold the house.

When dealing with Mom we must always remember to live in her moment. The most difficult part is agreeing with her when we know in our heart that it is the disease talking, not the Mom that we grew up with. Guilt seems to be the emotion of choice for all of us. Professionally, I tell families to be proud of the fact that their loved one is safe and comfortable in their own home; be proud that you and your family have facilitated the necessary care. Enjoy the time you spend with the client and find joy in whatever mood presents itself. I tell families that their role is to be a supportive family member and leave the caregiving responsibilities to the professionals. Role reversal is a typical event when a family member needs care for any reason.

My brothers and I now have our own lives to deal with in addition to the time it takes to care for Mom. Everyday I miss my Mom and am sad that I live so far away. I visit as often as I can and support my brothers and sister-in-law by phone and email to the best of my ability. I am so grateful that they are willing to directly oversee her care and participate in her life. Long distance care management, the most difficult job I will ever have. Having Mom safe and sound in her own home, going to Aunt Betsy’s to play cards every Saturday, celebrating my nephew’s birthday, PRICELESS!!!

Let go the guilt and revel in the priceless moments!!

For more information, contact Family Caregiver Alliance, a support network for family caregivers.
 

Labels: Alzheimer's disease, care at home, caregiver, eldercare, home care, home health care, parents, senior care, seniors

posted @ 3:52 PM
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Dealing with Parents' Resistance to Home Care

I'm Beth Terry, the CFO of Aunt Ann's Home Care as well as the editor of this blog. When I first started working at Aunt Ann's over 10 years ago, I really had no personal experience with home care or caring for the elderly. I was in my early 30's and my parents were not yet at that point.

Well, time is slowly slipping by, and my parents are beginning to need assistance. The trouble is that my dad will not admit it. He's the caretaker, responsible for not only my mom, whose Alzheimer's disease has been steadily progressing for the last 10 years, but also my brother David, who has Down Syndrome. While caring for Mom and David, my dad also volunteers to help out needy people at church, giving rides and even sometimes financial assistance. And although he takes care of others, he's unwilling to accept help himself.

But last month something started to change. Living in Hawaii, thousands of miles away from me or my other siblings, my dad finally realized that maybe it was time to move back to the mainland. And that maybe the move was more than he could handle alone. He called my sister and told her he felt overwhelmed, not knowing where to start, and spending day after day playing computer Solitaire to escape his worries. And so it was that my sister, brother, and I flew to Hawaii to set things right. I have to say, we were feeling pretty confident that we could handle whatever arose.

Of course, things don't always work out the way we expect them to. No sooner did we arrive, than we found our dad not in the midst of packing or organizing to move back but instead planning all kinds of fun activities for us while we were there. A trip to the Polynesian Cultural Center, Hanauma Bay, Diamond Head, maybe even a show. He didn't want to work. He wanted to play. And we were going to have to be the mean parents insisting that we weren't there to have fun but to "help" him.

When it became clear that he didn't really want to move away from Hawaii in the first place, we devised a different strategy. At least we could get a home care aide for my mom who couldn't care for herself and whose activities had been limited due to a recent fall. I called Vicki Paul, my friend and the Executive Director of Aunt Ann's, to find out what steps we should take. She advised me to call my parents' long term care insurance company for information, and she guided me through how to set up an appointment with a nurse to assess my mom's care needs.

I felt pretty good about these decisions, until a walk with my dad revealed that he didn't feel the same way. "I feel like you're telling me I'm incompetent," he said. "I feel like we shouldn't ask for help if we don't need it." My heart sank. My poor dad's sense of worth and dignity were based on being competent and helpful to others. Here I was breaking his spirit when all I wanted to do was make things better for them.

"Dad," I said. "Please just let the nurse come and give some suggestions. You're doing a great job. But the nurse is a trained professional. Maybe she can suggest some ways to care for Mom that you haven't thought of. And maybe there are some tasks that a qualified home care aide could perform that would allow you to be an even better caregiver for Mom. Isn't that what you both deserve?"

Dad reluctantly agreed to the assessment. The nurse came and evaluated my mom and made her recommendations. In the end, my dad opted not to pursue home care at this time. But I feel like the stage is set. The wheels are in motion. I'm hoping that when the time comes that my dad is ready to consider home care again, it will be easier for him to accept the help that is available.
 

Labels: care at home, caregiver, eldercare, home care, home health care, parents, senior care, seniors

posted @ 4:34 PM
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The Right Caregiver For The Job

Hi. My name is Gwen Chambers. I am the Staffing Manager for Aunt Ann’s Homecare. I have been affiliated with the homecare industry for over 20 years and with Aunt Ann’s since 1996, assisting families in choosing the right person to provide service when the need arises.

I have always had a soft spot for children, the elderly, and the disabled or disadvantaged, and prided myself on always being able to connect the right caregiver with the right family. When I receive a call, I find out the needs of the client and skill level needed. I ask questions to learn about the client's personality.  What are their likes and dislikes?  Do they have pets?  Do they smoke?  I also try to learn what needs and expectations the family may have.

Since our caregivers are seen as a guest in the client’s home, I always try not to create any unnecessary changes. I only hire caregivers that I would use to take care of one of my love ones, based on skills, experience, professionalism, compatibility, and compassion.

Recently my philosophy was put to the test.

Several years ago, my fiancée was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, and because of his weakened heart, he was not a candidate for chemotherapy. Since I work fulltime, it was very hard for me to care for him 24 hrs a day. It was then that I had to hire a caregiver.

It was then that I was no longer a Home Care Staffing Manager: I was a client. And worst of all I was a client’s family member who was in denial... of his prognosis.

Now it was my turn to sit in the seat of the family needing help; I was the one interviewing, making sure the caregiver and my loved one were compatible. Making sure that the caregiver that I chose was skilled, knowledgeable and above all competent, compassionate, and very professional. And someone who enjoyed what he or she was doing, so therefore would give him quality care whether I was there or not.

Here I was looking for all of the qualities in a caregiver that I require my caregivers at Aunt Ann's to possess...

My fiance was from the South, a people-person, always there to lend a hand, and a great cook with a wonderful sense of humor. He loved to have people around and to barbecue every weekend.

The caregiver I found was a perfect match. She too was from the South, was very family-oriented and enjoyed cooking Southern food. When my fiance could no longer speak, he would motion to show her how he wanted his food prepared, and she would understand. Having over twenty years of experience as a caregiver, she was a take-charge person who would also let him have the space he needed.

I was comfortable going to work and leaving him in the hands of this skilled and compassionate person whom we both were pleased with. When I came home in the evenings, there was always a smile on his face, and all of his needs had been taken care of. This took a load off of my mind and provided a stress free comfortable environment for both of us during his last days.

My firsthand experience with homecare gave me even more respect for those who provide care to our loved ones and for the process of choosing the right caregiver in the first place.

Labels: care at home, caregiver, eldercare, home care, home health care, senior care

posted @ 4:37 PM
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Close to Home Care After All

 

Labels: care at home, caregiver, eldercare, home care, home health care, sandwich generation, senior care, seniors

posted @ 3:06 PM
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Selecting a Home Care Provider

Hello everyone…my name is Anna Fong and I am the Community Liaison with Aunt Ann’s Home Care.

I wanted to share with you some considerations to keep in mind when you have a need to find a Caregiver for you or your loved one(s).

There are three sources available when selecting a Caregiver:

1) Full Service Agencies: A Full Service Agency employs Caregivers and assumes all responsibilities. Supervision and ongoing training is provided to all Caregivers. Typically, the charges for a Full Service Agency include the following:

• Locating, screening, & interviewing prospective caregivers


• Checking references from previous employers


• Professional background checking / Criminal & social security background checking


• Verifying proof of authorization to work in the USA


• Negotiating salary/benefits


• Determining work schedule, days off, and holidays


• Providing a replacement Caregiver as needed


• Ensuring 24/7 availability as needed


• Covering worker's compensation insurance for on the job injuries


• Handling social security, payroll taxes, disability insurance, & unemployment insurance


• Preparing all payroll tax deposits and reports


• Providing professional liability insurance & fidelity bond coverage for all Caregivers

2) Referral Agencies: There are two types of Referral Agencies which are determined by payment method. In the first type, the Client pays the Agency. In the second type, the Client pays a fee to the Agency and pays the Caregiver's wages directly. In either case, the Referral Agency is typically NOT the Employer and DOES NOT pay employer/employee payroll taxes or Worker's Compensation Insurance. Therefore, the client is responsible for all taxes and insurance.

To determine whether an agency is a full service provider or a referral agency, be sure and ask the following questions:

• Do you deduct state, federal, and local taxes from the caregivers' checks?


• Are your caregivers bonded, insured, and covered by workers compensation?

3) Private Hire (Independent): The client is the employer, pays the Caregiver directly and is responsible for all state and federal payroll requirements and worker’s compensation insurance. The client is also responsible for screening, supervising, training and assuming all professional liabilities, including injuries. Finding replacement Caregivers is also the responsibility of the client.


The choice is yours. A Full Service Agency offers you the quality of a skilled and screened staff for you and your loved one(s) at home. Enjoy the peace of mind we offer at Aunt Ann’s Home Care, a full service agency.

Click here for a handy downloadable comparison chart of home care sources. For more information about selecting a home care provider, please consult the web site of the National Private Duty Association (NPDA).
 

Labels: background checking, caregiver, eldercare, full service agency, home care, home health care, screening, senior care, seniors

posted @ 12:00 PM
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